There is a great disturbance in the Force. Something has awakened. At first glance it looks like a bird. At second glance it looks like a cat. You don’t get a third glance because by that time this guy is in your face screaming BAWK BITCH! at the top of his lungs and you will love him for it.
That’s right: 2, The Ranting Gryphon, is making a comeback. At least, I hope he is.
2 was one of the reasons I became interested in the furry fandom. At that time I only knew him for his 2 minute rants on nearly anything. Name a topic and he’d have something to say about it. He pulled no punches, and probably invented half of the curse words listed in today’s Urban Dictionary. In an age when pointing a finger at politicians and yelling was considered fashionable, 2 was a well-deserved diva.
I had the chance to see him a few times at Anthrocon, and not once was I disappointed. My only gripe was the last time, I showed up late and by then it was standing room only. To my knowledge, he was the only act that could fill the main hall at the conference center where AC is held. Many people I knew who attended the con did so just for him. I’ve met him a few times and would definitely like to have a beer or two with him at some point.
However, a few years ago the cancel culture wing of the fandom reared its ugly head, and in the name of all things PC, 2 was cancelled. Petty as it sounds, I will never attend AC again, even if by some miracle I was invited to be Guest of Honor, they can suck it. Destroy a person’s career because you’re personally offended and find yourself in a position of power? Fuck you and the horse you rode getting here. Take that how you will.
To his credit, 2’s been trying to keep afloat, working on let’s play videos, the occasional commentary, and even bringing back 2Sense with his new co-host Featherhoof. He’s also quit drinking after admitting he was an alcoholic, and I think he’s been doing OK. His star might not be as bright as it once was, but it’s still shining despite everyone’s effort to extinguish it.
But now, thanks to Nancy Pelosi, it looks like we have an angry gryphon on our hands.
For those who don’t know, during President Trumps State of the Union speech in 2020, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi stole the media attention away from the event by tearing up her copy of the speech on broadcast TV. To her and her followers, it was the ultimate gesture of resistance against the Presidency. Yep, to that small percentage of woke Twitterati types, ol’ Nancy was Wonder freakin’ Woman right there. She was Captain Marvel, defying the patriarchy and drawing a line in the sand.
To everyone else, she’d snapped worse than the Champ when he hears something out of context.
The moderate majority – you know, those people you abandoned so you could be validated by a bunch of blue checkmarked self-important narcissists – was not emboldened by her gesture. They weren’t cheering and screeching like mad. No; they were pissed, and I mean PISSED at what she did. On HCTV we’ve talked about the age of the Statesman. You know what I mean: that air of decorum and decency that’s expected of our public officers when it comes to formal gatherings, conferences, and the like. Well, I think that age is now fully and completely dead. With the tearing up of that speech, Nancy has now shown that neither side needs to play by the rules. The noble institution of national governance is little more than a cesspool of petulant children throwing tantrums because their legos aren’t all the same color.
I’m glad all of this has been recorded and shared millions of times on the Net. Why? Simple, on that day when the roles are reversed, I want all of this to come back to haunt the Democrats while everyone points at them and screams YOU STARTED THIS! I want this to never be forgotten by anyone. After this, no political party has the right to be indignant or cry indecency. You’re all fucking guilty in my eyes now. You had your chance to take the high road, but you didn’t. You deserve nothing from anyone now.
This is how 2 feels too, and he’s declared that he’s going to start ranting again. Personally I can’t wait. I’ve been looking forward to his return for a while, and I guess it just took the tearing of a few sheets of paper to finally set him off.
So I’m gonna sit back, munch popcorn, and watch as one of my furry heroes rises from the ashes of a culture war he never wanted, and gets back to doing what he does best: verbally bitch-slapping the living fuck out of everyone.
Let the games begin.